She laughed.
With my resolve fading quickly, I asked again.
'No really, do you think you could see me as a peer? As
an equal?'
She laughed again, but did not answer.
Though feeling extremely discouraged, I sat there and watched
a few more segments of the show. A short while later, I
excused myself and sighed my way home.
There was no consolation that night.
There was also no consolation two weeks later, when she
didn't respond to an e-vite for my birthday afterparty.
I still had fun going out that night. In all the time I
had been ignored by her, I was still having a good deal
of fun with my friends. Many people have referred to this
period in my life as a "quarter-life" crisis.
At the time, I strenuously denied this was the case, but
I can now see there was a good deal of truth to that assessment.
I regularly went out dancing twice a weekend and looked
forward to more. I didn't realize I was grasping for the
last remaining straws of irresponsible youth.
After being shunned on my birthday, I decided to put her
behind me and went on a number of dates. In retrospect,
this was a foolish thing to do, but hope does not spring
eternal in the face of regular rejection. None of these
encounters and relationships turned out to be very fruitful.
Around this time, many other things in my life were changing
as well. I got accepted to a bunch of graduate schools,
and it was looking like I would be moving up to Boston in
the fall. I had mixed feelings about the potential move.
I wanted to go back to school, but I had grown very attached
to my friends in the DC area. Leaving would not be easy.
The feeling of dread was confirmed when I visited Cambridge
in April for New Admit Day. I visited Boston with a good
friend who was also saddened by my impending departure.
We explored my new campus and pretended to have British
accents on the T. My buddy joked that he would find me some
friends while we were up there. And so we went on, two depressed
friends trying to find the silver lining in a two-year goodbye.
We ended up walking along Newbury Street, a road lined
with high-end clothing stores and boutiques.
Suddenly, my friend abruptly stopped and called out to
someone across the street.
I could hardly believe my eyes
[part 5]
About Silas Lee
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